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Post by dakota on Oct 13, 2006 21:08:42 GMT -5
Dana smiled weakly, attempting to keep her cool, but she couldn't help it. Lifting herself into a half sitting pose she stared into John's eyes and sighed. A flow of tears rolled down her cheeks, she wasn't sad, but almost angry at herself.
"I know... I just wanted to be sure..."
Her words were choked, as she tried to stop the tears. Perhaps it was due to their previous conversation, her current thoughts, or the idea of John ever leaving her, but she couldn't stop crying. Dana hadn't broken down like this for a long time, she hadn't be so upset since she lost her father, and not too long after, her sister. And John had even been their when she lost her sister, helping to keep her strong when she needed it. Stepping forward, Dana buried her eyes in John's chest, tears still falling.
"Please forgive me... I just don't ever want to be alone..." Her voice lowered, half way through her sentence. "I'm just so sorry..."
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Post by Brink on Oct 13, 2006 22:37:58 GMT -5
Sadness filled John's own eyes as he saw how Dana felt. He nudged softly and said, "Don't cry." It sounded more like a plea than anything else. After all they had been through just today, he didn't want to see her cry. The feeling of helplessness still weighed heavily upon him. Why could he do anything to make her feel better? As hard as he tried, he couldn’t get rid of or lessen her sorrow.
As before, his eyes began to sting and he found himself unable to speak anymore. The Canaan Dog remembered feeling this way before: when they found the body of his son. A nauseating feeling spread over him as the images flashed in his mind, where they had long ago been branded. The event had replayed in his mind many times before, and they were doing so now.
The images disappeared and he found himself back under the tree as the rain fell with Dana’s face buried in his fur. The tears made his pelt even more wet but he didn’t notice. More than anything, he wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but found himself unable to make the words form in his mouth. Why didn’t he say something? He cursed himself, but it wasn’t like that did any good. So, with a barely audible sigh, he dropped his head down on hers.
Softly, he whispered comforting words into her ear, not sure that it would help her any. “Shhh, it’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry.” Unlike her, he wasn’t good at comforting others; maybe because he couldn’t comfort himself. “I won’t ever leave you, Dana. Ever,” he promised, hoping, praying that she would begin to feel better.
[Ooc: -wipes tear for eye- Sad scene...
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Post by dakota on Oct 13, 2006 22:51:01 GMT -5
Dana growled at herself. Why? That was all she could ask herself, after what they had just been through she just let herself fall apart, and here making John feel bad because he couldn't help. Dana stayed glued to John like that for what seemed like hours, but was truly only a few minutes. Her tears had stopped falling, but the unknown pain still lingered. Pulled back, Dana pulled a paw across her face, trying to wipe away the warm stains.
"Oh John... I really am sorry... you have had so much pain, and here I am just falling apart..." Dana paused and lifted on all fours, stepping forward, she rubbed her neck on his, and rested her head on his shoulder.
"I-- I think I'll be okay now... But you need to feel better too... I am here now, and your son is happy, I just wish I knew how to make you feel alright, I know the pain will never leave, but you can try to turn it around and remember... you have people around you who will always love and care for you..."
She spoke slowly, her voice never once wavering. Dana was being as gentle, yet firm as she could. She lifted her paw and rested it on his shoulder, looking in his eyes. No longer holding sorrow, but caring, and understanding, despite her stained cheeks.
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Post by Brink on Oct 13, 2006 23:27:54 GMT -5
"No… don't be." His voice, although soft, sounded almost hollow, empty. Numbness had spread through him, as if he was missing something inside. His eyes suggested that he was elsewhere at the moment as the stared out passed Dana. What was he looking at while he gazing past her in a trance-like stage? Not even he knew that.
Dana’s voice seemed to partially call him back to reality, although that blank look still appeared in his eyes and face. Only when she rubbed up against him did her fully become aware of his surroundings once again. What was he thinking about, as he the emptiness filled him up for those few seconds? Nothing that he wished to reveal to anyone.
"I-- I think I'll be okay now... But you need to feel better too... I am here now, and your son is happy, I just wish I knew how to make you feel alright, I know the pain will never leave, but you can try to turn it around and remember... you have people around you who will always love and care for you..."
Even as she spoke, the shadow of doubt began to crowd his mind. Was there really so kind of awareness after death. That uncertainty of everything that they had talked about earlier had begun to develop. How could you be happy when you were stuck somewhere where you knew no one and couldn’t get back to the ones you knew and loved. She was right about one thing though: the pain would never leave. That cold void would never be filled up. It would continue to claw at his mind and heart until the day he finally died.
He did have people around him though, that loved him and that he loved. He had to be strong for them, or atleast hide the pain so that they were unable to see the Canaan Dog fall apart. That’s the way he had been taught from birth: to be tough and hide the emotions that made him ‘weak’. When her paw was placed upon his shoulder, he stared into her eyes, wondering how they could be so warm, even as she suffered.
Instead of voicing his thoughts, he simply leaned forward and licked her muzzle. “Thank you, Dana. For everything.” his voice was still a whisper, but held them emotions that had feel away earlier.
[Ooc: Sorry that post is really long D=]
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Post by dakota on Oct 13, 2006 23:58:49 GMT -5
Dana only nodded, releasing a deep sigh. Looking in his eyes she thought for a moment. Once Dana had shaken away her thoughts she pulled closer to John with a slight grin.
"Ya know John..." She started, her smile becoming slightly playful, yet still held concern. "We really are quite the team. One minute I'm the one trying to pull you up from the depths of depression and the next, you are keeping me from the edge of insanity..."
Her tone was joking, she even laughed slightly. Sure, it was yet another pitiful attempt to lighten the mood, but it was true, at least when they had their moments the other was there for them.
The strong lift us up when we are weak... That thought made Dana look away, her eyes widened. That wasn't of her own thoughts... That was... Dana lifted her eyes to the dark clouds, her weak smile lifting to an almost joyous expression. She was indeed one of faith, and that was why she knew that her father was there for both of them.
"Hey... we'll be alright."
Dana spoke in a firm tone, eyes still locked on the dark sky.
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Post by Brink on Oct 14, 2006 0:14:57 GMT -5
Her remark made a smirk cross over his face. True, they did make a good team. Maybe it was because each knew other’s weakness, or maybe not. Who knew? He certainly didn’t. Unfortunately, those thoughts of uncertainty still hung in his mind, but he had pushed them away, although they would come back like that numbness that you couldn't lock away forever. But, he had her. And, she was almost always able to dispel those thoughts for atleast a while.
Concern spread across his face as she turned away from him. Was she alright? Perhaps she was crying again. Well, she had turned her head away, so she didn’t want him to know. But then, she smiled up towards the sky and he knew she was thinking of her father. ”Hey… we’ll be alright.” As before, he didn’t find himself fully believing her, although she thought the words she spoke were the truth. They’d be alright… Was this honestly what she believed, or was she like him and only spoke to comfort those around her.
“Yes, we will,” he said weakly, his own eyes directed towards the overcast sky as the wind began to pick up. "Do you think we should be heading back?" he asked meaning back to the port. The storm began to worsen and John didn't feel comfortable staying out in the open, even if they were under a tree.
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Post by Brink on Oct 14, 2006 0:20:52 GMT -5
[Ooc: M'mkay. Have a good night, Dakkerz. <3]
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Post by dakota on Oct 15, 2006 15:39:11 GMT -5
A shiver was sent down Dana's spine, feeling the wind pick up. She turned and glared at John, it wasn't in anger, but more of a 'listen to me, and no more jokes.' look. Stepping forward, claws dug into the ground.
"And I don't need my faith to know that."
Her voice, and expression held firm. After a moment, she tested the sky, and let her eyes examine the surroundings.
"Uh... yeah lets.. head back then..."
Dana's voice dropped, making her sound wiped out, and as if she were ready to drop where she stood. She took a step past John, but looked over her shoulder and motioned him to follow. Dana's stance held high and proud, almost aggressive. It was easy to see there was much on her mind, especially the look in her eyes, and the way she stared into the distance, with a determined expression. Whatever was on her mind, held pride, and strength.
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Post by Brink on Oct 15, 2006 15:53:05 GMT -5
The force which Dana held in here voice as she spoke surprised John, as did her unyielding expression. But still, he had his doubts. He said nothing to her as he, too, checked their surroundings. Not much cover was given by any thing out here, since it didn’t have any buildings like the port.
Dana’s voice suggested that she was tired, as was this Canaan Dog. When she motioned for him to follow her, he did. He found it odd that she seemed to hold so much pride as they headed in the direction of Rakine. Unlike her, his head was kept down, as he silently trailed behind her. The rain was icy and pelting them, so John sped up until he was closer to his companion.
He wanted to ask her what she was thinking, but refrained from doing so. Instead, he just kept walking, his face not giving away his thoughts as they continued on.
[Ooc: Its kind crappy, 'cause I have writer's block -frowns-]
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Post by dakota on Oct 15, 2006 16:15:19 GMT -5
Dana, continued forward, at a quickened pace. Every few minutes she would turn a soft gaze to John, but then set her vision forward again. A low cough slipped through Dana's maw as she moved toward the port, she shook her pelt and thought nothing of it, her mind was already cluttered as it was, and there was no need, nor room for a such a simple thing.
Once they made their way back to the center of the port, turquoise eyes scanned the area, looking for some form of shelter, anything dry would work for her, the rain was already soaking through her pelt and to her skin. Dana shook her coat, with a futile attempt to remove the freezing liquid. She noted that the docks were now completely abandoned by all forms of life.
Stepping forward, her pace less then a jog, Dana still looked for a place to get dry, and warm up. Her line of vision fell upon an old building, no larger then a shed, but it looked like it could hold out the rain. Dana looked at John, whom still looked somewhat depressed, and bounded toward the small shelter.
Pausing, she circled the small building, looking for a way in. Dana stopped and stared down at a small hole, near the base of the shed. A grin spread on her maw, as she leaned over and tore at the dirt with her paws, making the hole large enough for both the dogs to squeeze through. Eyes shifted to her companion, and became soft, as she motioned for John to go in before her. No sound came from the Shepard mix, as she stared at John, she simply waited for her turn to go into their temporary shelter.
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Post by Brink on Oct 15, 2006 17:20:53 GMT -5
John was forced to increase his pace to keep up with Dana. Although he noticed that she kept looking at him, he didn’t raise his head. Perhaps it was because the freezing rain continued to pound on them and their surrounds, or, perhaps, he it was for another reason. Either way, he kept it low, only raising it occasionally to make sure that he and Dana were heading in the correct direction. His mind was somewhere else, which could be the reason he kept stumbling over rocks and other objects on the ground, although his turquoise eyes was staring at it.
The only time he focused on what was happening around him was when he heard Dana cough. His eyes rose momentarily to focus on her form as she moved ahead of him again. Then he went back to looking back at the ground. When she stopped, so did he as he finally took a look around. He, too, spotted the shed-like structure and followed her to it. Pausing, he shook the excess water from his fur.
Fur clinging to his form, he entered the shed when she motioned for him to do so. His head was still dropped as he pushed himself into a corner of the shed so that she could have more room. John found himself shivering from the cold as he lay down and stared up at Dana, his eyes still showing that unrelenting sadness. The unhappy expression was also plastered to his face, as was his wet fur.
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Post by dakota on Oct 15, 2006 17:43:38 GMT -5
Dana nodded and quickly pulled herself under the wood, that scraped against her back. Once inside the shed she shook her pelt lightly, trying not to spray John as she did so. Eyes traveled from wall to wall, corner to corner, as she tested the scents, that held small creatures. Dana sat down and stared at her paws for a moment, her expression still remained the same way it had been outside, proud, and full of thought.
Letting a few moments pass Dana looked at John, her expression washed away, becoming warm, and her eyes no longer held their trance like stare. She stepped over to him, flashing him an expression that seemed to ask permission to rest beside him. Dana waited a moment, before lowering next to John, and curling up close beside him. She rested her neck across his, in all attempts to warm him up. Dana was cold but nearly as cold as her companion, her blood lines held that of long haired breeds, she was bred to withstand the cold, or at least deal with it the best she could.
Eyes lowered, still looking at John. The silence between them was killing her, but she didn't really know what to say. Although her face no longer showed it, she still had so much on her mind, making it harder to find words. Dana shook her head, and licked John's snout slowly.
"Wonder how long the storm will last..."
Voice dull, as if she were speaking to herself, which she pretty much was. She continued to drag her tongue across her companion's face, not quite paying attention to what she was doing, her mind had wondered off once more.
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Post by Brink on Oct 15, 2006 21:46:17 GMT -5
As Dana checked out the rest of the shed, John let his turquoise eyes follow her. When she looked at him, he averted his gaze from her, feeling slightly embarrassed. Instead of looking at her, he his gaze wandered to his paws and the floor the rested on. It felt kind of childish, being embarrassed for doing nothing, really. But still, he turned his gaze away until he rested his head back on the floor.
John made no objection when she lay down next to him, as it didn’t bother him at all. It actually made him feel better, despite the fact that the Canaan Dog was still shivering. “Hmm,” was all he said as she spoke, although it didn’t seem like she was speaking to him. He let his eyelids droop until his eyes were finally closed. He wasn’t sleeping though; there was too much still on his mind for him to sleep.
His eyes opened when she began to lick his dark snout. “Dana…” he began, but didn’t continue. The words he tried to speak just wouldn’t come out. Quickly, he tried to think of what to say, because he thought he would look like an idiot if he didn’t say anything. Yet, he found no words to express himself.
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Post by dakota on Oct 15, 2006 22:47:17 GMT -5
Her thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt, as did her tongue, hearing John say her name. Pulling back she looked at him, with a compassionate smile, Dana gave him a nudge, trying to catch his eye.
"John... 'anything'... Remember?"
Dana pointed out her previous statement, that she had made out on that dock. It was true, as a matter of fact, Dana didn't want any secrets, but she respected that some things are better kept to one's self.
Pausing, she closed her eyes and moved away slightly, letting her friend to have a little space, so he wouldn't feel that she was pressuring him. Thoughts and images fluttered under her lids, as Dana sighed. Too much was bothering her at once, she needed sleep, they both did but neither of them could even manage to do that.
(shortish...ugh)
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Post by Brink on Oct 16, 2006 9:53:09 GMT -5
Anything... the word echoed through out his mind as he tried to form the words that he was desperately trying to speak. John thought himself a moron as he opened his mouth up and nothing came out. He closed his mouth again, only to open it again to say, "N-nothing." Why can’t you tell her, you moron? he thought to himself. It wasn’t that complicated! All he had to do was open his maw and say what he felt and hope that she wouldn’t laugh at him. But then again, he had never been very good at expressing himself. Embarrassment seemed to flood over him again.
When she moved away from him, he moved into a sitting position. John again tried to tell her, but chocked. Inside, he was still growling at himself. Yet again, his paws were the only thing that he was looking at. Then, after lying back down, he just stared silently at her in a thoughtful manner. There was a distracted look upon his face as his turquoise eyes were still placed on her. Come on, say it! He almost dared himself as his head was placed on his burgundy paws.
Quietly, he moved closer to her and sat next to her. “You need to sleep,” he said in a soft voice as he nudge her. After speaking, he lay down next to where she sat and rested his head on her.
[Ooc: Crappy 150th post from me D=]
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