Questioning It All...[Open]

[dakota]

The wind blew heavily around the young Shepard mix, as she padded slowly over the soft sands. She was alone, able to gather, and focus her thoughts. She had been keeping her distance from John, though not really purposely... But after she had pretty much snapped at him, Dana felt bad for everything that was going on. Mood swings? Yeah, that was more then likely at this point, but it wasn't her fault. She was under great pressure, she would soon have a family... And the hard part was, she wasn't sure whether she, or her love were ready for it.

Shaking her head, turquoise eyes opened, her back to the wind. Well there was nothing they could do to change it now, was there? Either way, she was carrying John's pups, and they'd both have to live up to it, and be strong, if not for each other, but for their children. Dana growled, and stopped her steps, before simply sitting down, her blood-streaked tail curling up over her paws. Staring blankly into the sky, through half-open orbs, the Shepard couldn't help but wonder why everything had changed so much...

What ever happened to that spark of great determination in her eyes? Wasn't she always the strong one, nothing was able to deter her from her goals? But now... it all seemed to have left her.. Was she really losing her touch? Maybe, it was that tension between Fox and John that had done all of this to her? Making it harder on Dana, having to watch them like children... And deep down, she knew that they were both trying to ask her to make an impossible choice... Between the father of her unborn pups, and her oldest, closest friend.

Shifting her weight slightly, Dana remained silent, as she turned her gaze around her. Now, she was unable to even keep her thoughts straight, she couldn't even concentrate on her present, let alone try to plan for her family and the future. Dana had been through some overwhelming issues, but this was just the worst... And the Shepard felt that for the first time, in so long... She was on her own with all of this...

[sarhea]

Shila stared out over the calm, frigid waters of the sea. She had not been to this beach yet, and thought today was a good day to do a bit of exploring. Things at the Port were rather slow, and she wanted to see more of the land. She listened to the sound of the gentle washing of the waves against the shore....funny how just a few weeks ago, she hated the sea-it had torn her from everything she knew, her master, her team, and had caused her much pain in the captivity of her cruel new master....thank God for Rallie, the kind stranger who'd helped her escape and shown her the ropes....

Now the sea brought a strange sense of peace, a strange beauty that she now appreciated. She trotted lazily down the water's edge, taking in the sights and smells as she went. A thin coating of snow covered the white sand in splotches, and she noticed paw prints here and there. Her path had taken her north along the water's edge, and now that she was out of sight and sound of the port, she turned back....she didn't want to get lost, and the wind had begun to pick up, a chilly breeze making her shiver.

As she turned back south, a strange scent on the breeze came to her, the scent of another dog. Shila turned her gaze into the wind, searching out the origin of the scent. Her blue eyes spotted a creature down the beach, just barely in eyesight range. Who was that? She was always eager to meet new faces. She picked up her pace and headed towards this new dog.

As she neared, she observed that the dog was a female, and she seemed to be off in another world, her face showed much stress. Shila slowed her pace, a deep concern for this new dog rising in her. Her red ears perked forward as she slowed down and stopped but a few yards from the female. She didn't seem to notice Shila, and Shila didn't want to startle her.

"Are you alright?" Shila asked gently, a real concern in her voice.

[sorry for the delay....my brother-in-law started trying IM me just as I started to post]

[dakota]

Dana remained otherwise still, as she heaved a deep sigh. Well, life had never been easy on her... And she wondered how bad it could get, or if she just wasn't seeing the bright side, as she was too lost within the darkness of the situation. She may have not been physically alone, but really, as far as she was concerned, both Fox and John weren't really helping her at all with this. Her friend, and mate were simply giving her un-needed, added pressure, and god knows she didn't need anymore. The Shepard's thoughts paused, as a voice came to her ears. Turquoise eyes brightened slightly, expecting to see the familiar face of a Canaan dog to be standing at her side. She blinked, ears lowering slightly, as she simply shook off the thought, and looked to this stranger.

"I'm not quite sure if I know what that is anymore."

She replied, with a soft welcoming smile. It wasn't often that strangers even had the slightest concern for her, but maybe that was just from Dana's knowledge, from her previous travels with Fox, back when they had enemies left and right. Maybe that was what she wanted that thrill back in her life, the rush, of not knowing where you may be the next day, but always feeling safe with your best friend at your side. Shrugging, Dana shifted herself slightly, holding a warm expression. Maybe it was time to stop being so wary of others, and just... accept what her life was now... Though soon everything would be crazier then ever before.

"Now, thats a good question. But how about a better introduction? I'm Dana..."

She spoke gently, looking to the malamute before her. Damn, what happened to her? She sounded so formal... Well, the female had been right though... She herself had changed ever more then Fox, or anyone else around her... It seemed that that day when she slipped off the docks, nearly losing her life... She had lost not only her faith, but maybe her strong will, and spirit...

[sarhea]

Shila watched as the female, who appeared to be some sort of Shepard, heard her voice, eyes brightening, but then when the female's eyes fixed on her, and her ears lowered, Shila knew she'd been expecting someone else. The female's face shown of many complex emotions that Shila couldn't decipher them all, only she knew that this poor creature was going through a great struggle.

"I'm not quite sure if I know what that is anymore."

Her voice was soft, but carried such pain and turmoil. A battle seemed to be raging inside her. She even gave a warm smile, but it was hiding what lay beneath. Shila politely sat, and then the female spoke again.

"Now, thats a good question. But how about a better introduction? I'm Dana.."

Yes, a proper introduction was best, and Shila inwardly scolded herself. Usually she was the one who was all proper and such, quick with formality.

"It is nice to meet you, Dana. My name is Shila," she replied. She couldn't help but wonder what had caused this lovely female so much stress.

"I'm sorry to sound prying, but I couldn't help but notice you seemed troubled. Is there anything I can do for you?" Shila didn't know if she had done the right thing by asking the question, she just could not hold it back.

[dakota]

Dana's multi-toned tail lifted, and flicked slowly, now seeming somewhat, glad to see another whom didn't have it out for her, and her friends. She tilted her head slightly, she hadn't really gotten a chance to even interact with someone that was actually kind hearted, and held true concern. The world she'd known around her, was dark and held threats and enemies... That was back with Fox though, when they had each other's back and they searched for what was true. Now... the Shepard doubted that the truth could even be found. She shrugged and gave a light sigh, her mind continued to grow ever more cluttered...

Turquoise eyes blinked slowly, remaining on the other beside her, now attempting to put all of her attention on the female dubbed Shila. Yea, that didn't even seem to be possible at this point. As soon as the malamute asked that question of her, Dana's tail stopped, and she shifted, rather surprised by this. Even though she had been remaining silent, and trying to keep her feelings hidden from her friends... Dana actually deep down felt a need to tell someone... Even if it was a kind stranger. Taking in a deep breath, her smile grew smaller.

"Thank you, Shila... for your concern... But, unfortunately I doubt that you could get through the thick sculls of two stubborn men, and bring back that which we've each lost."

She spoke, with a mix of slight amusement, and exhaustion, though still good-natured. It seemed an odd combination, but that was what one could hear, even if deeper within her, everything was more jumbled then ever. But some things can't be changed, only accepted and dealt with, no matter how hard it may seem for everyone involve.

[sarhea]

Shila sat on the cool sand, waiting calmly for Dana to speak. She could see the Shepard trying to sort through her thoughts, and whatever they were was obviously causing Dana much confusion. It was easy for Shila to detect when another was not right. Being the leader of her team, it was her responsibility to know that each member was operating at their best, that their minds were focused.

"....But, unfortunately I doubt that you could get through the thick sculls of two stubborn men, and bring back that which we've each lost."

Ah, there it was. Poor Dana was having trouble with the male gender. Shanda lowered her head, a faint understanding smile. No, she didn't know Dana's exact problem with men, but in her experience, they were all self centered pigs. Even the ones who thought they cared for you always did something stupid to hurt you.

"Men," she stated simply. "Definitely nature's most stubborn creatures. And you are right, there's not much anyone can do to change their mind. I've had to work with them, on my team back home. It always caused me such grief-those proud, pig headed buffoons. Most of the time even a good lashing didn't change them...oh their outward countenance would change, but their eyes betrayed them."Shila paused in her speech, looking at Dana in curiosity.

From the distant look in Dana's eyes, especially at her mention of men, Shila figured that a relationship had to be involved with her mention of men. A very hard thing to deal with, and one that shila had yet to experience....she'd not had time for love, and had ignored any male who showed any interest in her....

she smiled back at Dana, a sympathetic, gentle smile, letting her know that she was there for her for whatever she needed.....

[sorry for the off post...my thoughts are jumbled at the moment....lol....]

[dakota]

Dana listened intently, her gaze though, seemed stuck to the gently rocking waves. The very same waters she had so loved, had recently nearly taken both, hers, and John's lives. Well, either way, it just seemed that the sea had always called to her, it was in her blood, she'd earned it from her father, and with or without her faith, the Shepard mix felt a connection to the shore lines. Even as she thought this, she had paid careful attention to what Shila's thought on males were, and now Dana couldn't help but give a soft laugh at these words. It looked like good minds often thought alike, and nearly all females thought this of the opposing gender.

"Yes... It is so painfully true..." She spoke through fading laughs. "...Sometimes they make it hard to believe that we are even in the same species... " The Shepard shook her head in amusement.

In truth, she had never expected to be stuck in the situation she was now. Not that she was starting a family soon, but the fact that Fox, the one that she used to only trust, and John, the one whom she had admitted her heart to... Pretty much fighting over her. The males hated one another, and that was clear enough, it was of course caused by Dana. A slip of the tongue, speaking something that held a different meaning then the other two had thought. Either way, Dana had denied nearly every question the two asked. No, she would not tell them whether she ever thought of Fox differently. No she wouldn't tell them if she could do it again, what choice she'd make. These were just a few of the many things that would come up between her and the warring pair of males. Shaking her head, turquoise eyes pulled back to the malamute at her side.

"These two... I used to think were so... Wise... So... Real... But now it seems all of that has been swept away by their hard-headed male objectives..."

It was true. Dana had trusted her life within Fox's paws, and the same with John later on. The Shepard just really wished to know, why it was that Fox couldn't understand... He had left her alone, so suddenly, and was gone, for what seemed like an eternity... Yes, she needed someone still, to be at her side, and she had found someone that cared, and she was willing to give her own life for as well. Unfortunately, her friends just never heard the things she told them now, her explanations fell short to the arguing males... And if only they weren't so damn stuborn...

One day... In the near future... They were both to regret the pressure they had put on Dana... And none of them had the slightest idea of this possibility...

[sarhea]

Shila looked out over the sea, the breeze stinging her eyes. Shila was a natural leader, and having been in that position with her team, had acquired the ability and the need to be able to determine the physical and mental health of her members. But all that knowledge didn't help her in this moment. She had no idea what had put Dana in this state, but distant look in the Shepard's eyes was familiar of the dogs who'd had their spirits broken. Dana seemed to Shila like she'd once been a proud, strong creature, but there was not much left of that past that she could see....

She watched as Dana seemed to try and lighten her mood, a chuckle sounding at her comment on males....but quickly fading....and Shila listened carefully at her statements on the two who'd put her in this sad state of mind....she was obviously talking of two who meant a great deal to her....Shila paused and looked at Dana....how could the males be so stupid and uncaring of the ones that were special to them....she would never understand....she'd seen others hurt...but only once had she seen.....

It had been her sister...her sister was not cut out for the racing life, but had found her great love....Shila had advised her not to get involved with the jerk male...but she hadn't listened....they had became mates, and just as Shila had predicted, the looser had run off with another, leaving her poor sister alone.....her sister had looked about the same shape for quite a while.....Dana had mentioned two males, she appeared to care for them both, and they had somehow hurt her deeply....Shila could only wonder....

Her gaze softened as she turned her eyes from the sea back to Dana.
"i don't mean to pry, but one of the males that you have mentioned, is he your mate?" she asked softly, hoping that she was not making matters worse by asking the question.

[dakota]

Dana stared blankly, with yet another heavy sigh, goodness how many that was by now. The Shepard watched the waves carefully, as if studying them, and learning a great deal from the splashing waters. Once again, she had delved into her mind, trying to understand, and sort things... Though it seemed to the female that things would never even out, would never make sense like they once had, even when they looked for the truth, things at least made sense back then. Eyes closed, listening carefully to the words spoken to her. Giving a soft smile, Dana remained silent and still for another few moments.

"No... Your not prying... I'm glad to be able to speak of this, with someone who may understand, and listen to me..."

Pausing, turquoise orbs opened once again, and the young Shepard shifted slightly, her tail swished once before curling around herself quietly. "Yes... One of them is my mate, John... In fact..." Her voice fell, becoming soft, within a gentle, nearly wise murmur. "...we've started a family..."

Though Dana smiled at this, her eyes were filled with concern, and fear was seen on her expression. She looked to not be ready for this... For anything at all for that matter... She wasn't only worried about herself this time, making everything even worse... The female was afraid for her mate as well, John himself seemed to be afraid. This alone made her ever more nervous, and just knowing she was nervous, made the Shepard wonder if she was to be a fit mother, if this family would work at all. The canine shivered, shutting her eyes and taking in an uneasy breath. For the moment, she seemed to be fully unaware of Shila's presence. No... She wouldn't break down though... At least not yet... Dana was trying her hardest to keep strong for everyone around her.

Either way, strong, or weak, the Shepard couldn't find any more words. There wasn't a thing for her to possibly do or say at this point... At least, nothing that could help herself or the situation. Pausing, she looked down at her paw, slowly drawing a ring in the dirt. Patterns continued at random, as though simply expressing her thoughts in the soft sands.

[sarhea]

[ooc-i'll try to get to this asap...just not tonight....bad few days of work have left me drained....however i did want to mention that your writing just blows me away....you should really consider being a writer of some sort....you're incredibly talented! oh, and I'm working on your JD picture...lol....]

[dakota]

[No, thats fine, take your time. No rush! ^^ Wow... Thanks... I don't get that often... I really appreciate the compliment though, and I must say, you are extremely talented as well! ...thanks again... I'm sure joo can make my J.D. look smexiful! *hyper today.*]

[sarhea]

Ah, Shila thought. Dana and her mate were starting a family, but Shila was hesitant to offer congratulations. Dana's eyes voiced so much untold concern and worry, and had that been a hint of fear in the Shepard's soft voice? Shila watched the female before her as Dana seemed to slip back into deep, struggled thought.

Shila was a bit confused. Having a family was normally a wonderful thing. She had been able to share the joy of her mother's new families each year. Her mother and father were always so happy. But then there had been her sister, who at the early age of a year and a half, had gotten herself pregnant, her mate freaked out and ran, leaving her poor sister to deal with it on her own. Her sister had been worried and afraid, but in the end, everything had worked out. One of those pups had grown into a strong, fast runner and had begun training to be on her team....

Dana had called her mate John. But the way she'd said his name, a hint of gentleness in her voice, told her that he was still around, and had not run off like her sister's mate had. What could be causing such pain and worry over an event that should be filled with joy? There was another male Dana had mentioned....

All Shila could do was wonder. She was at a loss of words. Having never been in any similar situation, it was hard for her to offer any advice, or to say anything for that matter, that wouldn't make things worse. Dana looked as if she was struggling with all her might to keep herself together.

She let out a gentle sigh...."I have to admit....I have never been anywhere close to being in the position of starting a family. There's not much I can say, other than if you need any thing at all...help once your family's born, or a listening ear, I'll be around. I have recently become a member of the strays of Rakine, so I'll be there most of the time." Shila paused. She did not want to push the issue of Dana's troubles with her mate any further, unless Dana brought it up. It was already causing her so much pain.

"When is your family due to come into the world?" Shila asked.